Memoirs of a Teenage Drag Queen

I can't remember when it started but as far back as I can remember I have been different and maybe even a little bit strange, although I never felt it I was told I was weird or different by my sibling and parents I used to think that perhaps my world was not capable of understanding me or my needs or perhaps I was not the right fit for this world I was adopted into.. I began to question everything and everyone, why do I feel like this why do I like barbie instead of my match box car set? why do I prefer my sisters clothes to my own? This did not make life any easier for my family either as they tried to understand what I was going through at the tender age of 12-13 years of age and still tried to maintain their own sense of moral and social stability which to my mind looking back at it and trying to make sense out of it was really just odd considering how liberal and socially conscious they claimed to be (until it was one of their own they had to claim out right) I remember coming home from an all night-er dressed as my alter ego Ms. Linda Evans oh she was so chic...! What it was the eighties.. my mother caught me sneaking back in and in my fabulous outfit too! she opened the door took one look at me with shock and horror and spat in my face! I'll never forget it as long as I live..Now ask her and of course this memory will probably not surface for her who could blame her who wants to remember spitting in their child's face, but I know it happened.. and so started my journey into the confusing world of am I or am I not a girl! I have decided to write this blog with both a selfish element to it and one that I hope one day will be read by someone that will benefit from my history to learn that it is ok to be yourself in this type of situation or any situation really and that no matter what you have the right to learn for yourself who you are and that if you are truly loved you will be afforded that chance as I was and have been as you will learn later on...

I loved dressing up and playing pretend even in summer camp I had the flair for the "drama" I orchestrated a wedding where I played the bride and married a boy! we marched through the whole camp and we were married in the mess hall it was great! I have no idea who the boy was or is and to this day wish him all the best my boyhood husband! when the Movie Grease came out, that summer I remember going to summer camp on the Toronto Islands and dressing as Sandy because damn it I wanted to be Olivia Newton John! and these gender roles pushed on us by society just made no damn sense to me then and now! besides all the boys looked so cute as greasers!! who could resist...now I am not saying as a kid I had any idea what the hell i was doing and i certainly had no idea how many rules I was breaking by being so defiant all I knew was there were plenty of pretty things to wear out there and I wanted to wear them all! If it sparkled I wanted it!! I am still this way today at my ripe old age of 39 and holding...I suppose looking back at the decisions i made about myself and my sexuality pretty much on my own i would have to say these are things that I do not wish on any child to have to grow up so fast and so quickly but unfortunately we are not afforded the luxury of a childhood in some of these circumstances while I was busying myself with dress' and trying to figure if living the rest of my life as boy or a girl was my main focus my family at large was centered around dealing with the after math of what my ignorance afforded me a nice comfortable place to be in my head my sister hardly understood who i was and to this day I do not think she gets me a mom who simply gave up trying to a father so detached from himself that I don't think he was even aware I existed except when it was his weekend to take us and even then that was never a guaranteed event... So I kept on trying to discover who this person was while all the chaos around me continued my mothers very messy and brutal divorce from my father the abuse suffered at the hands of my father and my mothers second husbands children the ridicule and their lack of understanding and care only served to push me further and further away from them and out into the night and the streets of Toronto searching for someone anyone who could tell me who I was and where I fit in.. Enter the dreaded Clark Institute with all my mothers wisdom at the time I assumed she was full of it (wisdom that is) we had made appointments to see Dr.s at the Clark institute of psychiatry in Toronto (Because Hylan wanted to be a girl) and if Hylan wanted to be a girl my mother was too tired to fight and quite honestly all the Tae Kwan Do classes and bar bells and butching up was not going to do a damn thing to sway my masculinity in any way (still hasn't tee hee..)What I later learned after playing with dolls and ink blots and speaking incessantly to shrinks and social workers asking question after question "How do feel today Hylan?" "My name is not Hylan it is Linda!" I would reply and of course no one would ever call me Linda not even at the Clark! Eventually things became so bad at home I called the Children's Aid Society and said you have to get me the F$%^&* outta here!!! I am sure being raised in Canada I was much more polite than that. This is where my story really takes off! because it is really at this moment that I was out on my own in the world, you see I have been on my own since I was sixteen the good the bad the ugly all of it on my own no real guidance from an adult since about 1987 you might say I winged through to this point but I wouldn't have changed a thing ok maybe a few things but even then if it were to cost me a smidgen of who I am today I wouldn't do it...

After what I recognize now as my life saving phone call to the Children's Aid Society I was placed in the home of G&G (we'll call them) both young and innovative in the world of social work their job was to evaluate me and recommend the best placement for me, well by this time anything would have been better than where I had come from honey but something was different about these two i could sense it...my foster father had a spirit that was bright and infectious my foster mother taught me to play basketball! in my dresses!!! her game not mine she is open and caring with lots of hugs and love, there was no mention of you have to do it this way or that it was always what was best for Hylan and they really went to bat for me it wasn't until years later that I found out just how hard they fought for me to be me and of course the machine usually won in those days due to lack of understanding and god for bid a kid like me should turn the establishment on it's head.. I do not blame them because for the first time in my life some one went to bat for me stood for my defense as a kid and my decisions about what I knew I wanted and what I believed to be right at the time and they bravely stood by my side to fight with me when in those days no one else would and if they did all they did was want to change me in some way..Now I know these days these types of situations are still happening but they are becoming more rare as we move to understanding human sexuality on a whole and what drives us to be who we are, but back then there wasn't a model for these things and I was it at least where I was growing up there wasn't G&G really made an impact on the rest of my life and helped to shape the foundation for who I am today and what followed and honey what followed to was a roller coaster of imperial proportions....

At the age of 16 I was finally on my own after an unsuccessful bout in Whitby Ontario with yet another foster family which was caring but so conservative and the school I went to so rural that if you didn't wear lumber jackets and construction boots(I'm not kidding this is what passed for cool and fashionable in Whitby in the 80's Arghh!!!!) you were made fun of all the time so you can imagine me in Whitby! My dreams of being a girl were quickly dashed and I had to hide who I was for the first time in a long time out of fear! fear motivated me once again and ruled my world again! I couldn't believe it... I had to get out of there... I eventually moved back home to my mothers home for a few months which turned out to be very unhealthy for all parties concerned she and I never saw eye to eye on my lifestyle choices and my stepfathers trailer park children couldn't see fit to leave me alone or their homophobic partners where threatening me all the time with abuse sexual or otherwise.. With no help in sight the writing was on the wall and with my mothers ultimatum drilled into my memories " I'm kicking you out at 18 anyway" I had all the information I needed to figure out my next move. Hylan was leaving girl!!! with no plan or money or job I stepped out into a cold Canadian October evening in 1986 and I haven't looked back since. Now do I suggest that this is the way you go about planning to start a life of independence no I don't but when you are presented with a do or die situation your first concern is your safety and peace of mind and you have no alternative then yes get the hell out of whatever situation you are in because the alternative is always better...

Chez Moi was my first experience inside the gay and lesbian club scene a world I would soon make my home for the next ten to fifteen years.. Yes I said ten to fifteen years I lived the life made a living and managed to survive unscathed no small feat considering how many have scummed to the night if you get my drift, a miracle really when I think about some of the situations I got myself into but then I attended the school of the hard-way didn't I? Chez Moi was a Lesbian Bar on a little Side street in Toronto which has long since been torn down and built up and torn down again I think my last trip to Toronto this year revealed that this street actually no longer exists so any history has completely vanished and given way to to the progress of an ever changing and growing city scape...But when I was sixteen Chez Moi was the place to be and although it was technically a Lesbian bar it was frequented by all straight gay transgender gay men drag queens underage drag queens such as myself the list went on and on...To me it was the Limelight,the Disco 54 it had it all and all in a 1000 sq ft space too but to me it was the largest place on earth! there I could be me and it was ok there I could be Linda and it was ok...There I discovered the Stage!!! Oh my god Big hair, glitter gowns and dare I say it you could put all of those thing to song move your lips and voila! you were a showgirl!! it was amazing!!! Now I would be lying if I told you this was my very first experience with drag..my very first experience and my first inner twinge came when I was twelve!! yep twelve I was fortunate enough to be singing with the great Salome Bey and her daughter in a variety show fundraiser to end hunger and in the show were the "Great Imposter's" headed by the great Rusty Ryan who years later I would work for in one of his clubs but then I had no idea what it was this thing called drag I just knew I loved it... Running the back halls and dressing rooms of Massey Hall that night I remember having my make-up done for the stage and wondering why I wasn't going to look like "The Great Imposter's" with their glitter and glam at twelve I knew that was what I wanted to be fabulous and pretty and I knew I could do it and be good at it even at twelve years of age.. some people know right away what they want to do I knew then that I was destined to wear a dress!.. Thanks Dad for the gig!! I suppose I have my father to thank for my first exposure to female impersonation and the world of drag but in 1982 it really didn't take much hold beyond that experience until a few years later...

So many things and people have influenced my drag career and my life but most of all the love of stage and screen the love of glamour and fashion and being able to share my creativity in a way with others who were like minded and some who weren't and were able to change their minds once they encountered me was the best part of my career as a drag queen. Not only did I love the hosting and the lip syncing but being able to bring awareness to my community and being able to raise money for my community has brought me a sense of accomplishment that I am so proud of and will carry with me for my whole life! I have raised thousands of dollars for Aids and hospice and I have helped my community in ways that will affect it for years to come all by dawning a dress and lip-syncing on a stage I know it sounds simple but it is impactful if you think about it...Drag Queens throughout time have been known to be great entertainers and these days we are known for our outrageous costumes behaviour and now our philanthropic abilities as well yes honey we girls raise a shit load of money yearly for our LGBT and questioning brothers and sisters causes all over the world and this is nothing to sneeze at the modern drag queen has taken her profession to a whole new level we are as mainstream today as we ever were and I am proud to be a part of the generations of queens who helped drag us into that spotlight. You see drag may have started out as a way of letting off some steam and having a laugh but it has turned into a culture that has helped pave the way for an entire community of people can you say "Stonewall?"

I never had any issues with wanting to do different numbers on stage I was famous for my version of Pat Benatar 's "Hit me with your best shot" song or Shirley Bassy's "Gold Finger" for which my fans would send to the stage a shot of Goldschlager during the number which I would drink happily while I was on stage of which my fans would love and eat up! Of course this went on in almost every club in the village that offered drag entertainment and any queen that drank was offered drinks on stage . But Iam babaling I have always been influenced by rock and roll and have always brought the rocker in me to my act to be black and doing rock was very different in those days I think me and Tina Turner where the only ones! of course yo have Tina Impersonators but you rarely saw them doing Alanis Morrisette, Janis Joplin, I mean honey! this queen rocked out! and when you love something it shows!! and if you think it can be translated well on stage then honey go for it!!! the only way you'll ever know is if you try and you'll know right away if it works or not. My rise to the toast of Church street was not fast nor was it easy by any means it took years and many many hundreds of nights and talent contest to get my face and name out there before people and clubs started to take me seriously. It was hard work and long hours and dedication almost to the point were people were wondering if I was crazy people who then didn't understand would say Hylan why are spending so much time and money these things people would say to me and at the time I was having way to much fun to figure out just how important it was to me and how successful i was becoming I couldn't appreciate what i had and where i was headed and I didn't have the luxury of someone to sit me down and say "Hello Bitch, get it together!" this brings me to the subject of drag mamas! oh this phenomena is a cultural under skirt so to speak of our drag community.